When an animal eats human food or does a human thing, you must publish a photo and invoke Pizza Rat. This is one of those immutable rules of journalism—like reminding people at parties that a group of top law enforcement officials are "attorneys general," and holding your smartphone horizontally, never vertically, while you are capturing video of anti-bike lane activists screaming in a church basement about how pedophiles support bike lanes.
No other animal doing human things can come close to touching the brilliance of Pizza Rat. Taco Shell Squirrel is cute and all, but compared to Pizza Rat, he is a pathetic, diseased charlatan in a ceaseless parade of pretenders.
But you still have to do a story on the photo of the animal because it's a little cute and besides, it can't hurt to remind people of Pizza Rat, a viral animal from four years ago. (Also: have you seen these 17 child actors who are totally hot now?)
The best way to accomplish this: Tell Pizza Rat to "Move Over," because there's another funny animal in town. This never fails.
Today, the New York Post honored the tradition with...Nutella Squirrel!
This got us thinking about all the times we read and enjoyed the idea of Pizza Rat having to "move over" for some other inferior, time-wasting animal. Turns out, there were quite a lot of them.
Google search results for "Move Over Pizza Rat."
Because we are forced to choose, here are the very best uses of the phrase to date:
6. Move over, Pizza Rat - Milkshake Squirrel is the hero the internet actually needs
This is a bold claim for the reasons stated above (Pizza Rat is the Alpha and Omega, there is no one making Sexy Milkshake Squirrel Halloween costumes) but that's what makes it hilarious. The internet obviously needs a hero, because everything needs a hero, and saying that this squirrel diving into an expensive milkshake is "actually" better than Pizza Rat? I angrily clicked again and again.
Aww
The phrase "lollipop raccoon" is just funny, but it's even funnier considering that this video shows a raccoon tearing through a trash can and emerging with a lollipop.
4. Move over, Pizza Rat – Mouse Spider is the stuff of nightmares
Clicking this link, you come to learn that this "mouse spider" is actually a massive huntsman spider from Australia, killing and eating a mouse. So, a carnivorous animal eating a mouse. Not exactly human-like behavior. But this spider sure drags that mouse like a piece of pizza down some subway stairs, right?
"Rag" sounds a lot like "Rat," but don't let that fool you: this is a video of a rag dragging a piece of pizza down the subway stairs. It's a whole lot like Pizza Rat, in that the rag does exactly what Pizza Rat did, but it's completely different because rags aren't usually creatures that are found in the subway, nor are they really creatures, for that matter.
This amazing headline teaser links you to a story that literally has nothing to do with Pizza Rat. It is merely an attempt to get people to pay attention to a 130-word wire services story about a rat that was previously thought to be extinct. We love it!
1. Move over, Arthur Miller. #PizzaRat
OK so this isn't a news article and is just a tweet of a person REACTING to a different Move Over, Pizza Rat story. But this shows a mastery of the form. Move Over, Headline Writers.
