Fellow New Yorkers, we live in a very expensive city. We all know that. We do not need a list bullet-pointing all of the reasons we're better off living somewhere else. We're all here because we want to be here, no matter what it means for our future retirement fund. What we might need, however, is a reminder of why we're paying so much—you know, for those moments when it's hard to remember. These are all things you and your fancy stacks of suburban money can't buy.
STOOPS
(Photo via essgee's flickr)
You know that thing where people say they are going to grow old together and sit on the porch of their house drinking lemonade or whatever? No. That is a lonely way to fade away, even with the person who presumably still loves you by your side. What you want is a stoop.
When you are young and life is endless, you can sit on your stoop and day drink for cheap straight into the night, talking to passerby or no one at all. Disappearing and reappearing in a way only a New Yorker can.
When you are older, you can also do this. But you can also be like my neighbor—a woman named Pete—who without fail sits on her stoop (which has been her stoop for decades) every morning, afternoon, and evening as she doles out wisdom or old stories from the neighborhood to everyone walking by. She also tells me when she likes my dress (she doesn't like all of them), and she keeps a bowl of biscuits by her side for the dogs that come around.
You don't want to be on a lonely porch when you are old, you want to be Pete.
24/7 BODEGAS
(Photo by Jane Kratochvil)
You might not realize how important this is until you find yourself in some godforsaken wasteland where everything closes at sundown. And even then there's not an establishment around that will sell you an egg n' cheese, two Advil, condoms, and flowers. Even Taylor Swift loves them. Even cats love them. We are all one inside the New York City bodega.
ALL THAT COOL STUFF TO DO
(Photo by Wally G)
You hear this a lot because it's true. We have world class museums, we have weird shit your small town can't handle, we have hidden bits of dusty history behind closed doors, we have all the music and all the films. We even have hidden treasures in our restaurants and under our feet. There is something weird and new and old and interesting around every corner and under every manhole and atop every building. You will never get bored. You will never stop thinking. You will never run out of new things to do.
Did we mention you can also just go outside, and be alone? Or enjoy a cocktail on a roof that has a better view than anywhere else in the world?
MASS TRANSIT
"Only in New York"
It is our right as New Yorkers to complain about our mass transit system. Like anyone/thing you've allowed into your life on a regular basis, it continues to fail you. But if we were outside of New York trying to catch a ride across Anytown, U.S.A. we'd complain even more. That's because this is as good as it gets. Our trains and buses run 24/7, which means at any time you can get anywhere in the city for $2.75. And if you don't want to because it's 4 a.m. and you just can't handle another trip underground, you can hail a cab. At any time. Right there in the street. Good luck doing any of this in Boston.
DELIVERY
Do you want a Scuttlebutt sandwich from Saltie for lunch? Do you need something that isn't pizza when you get home from a night of drinking? Do you want to try Ethiopian food for the first time, like right now? You can order anything here, at pretty much any time. Did you know that in Los Angeles almost every single place on Seamless has a $30 minimum, plus a crazy delivery fee? That is a true story.
IT'S NEW YORK CITY
(Photo via vivnsect's flickr)
We live in New York City because it's New York City, and there isn't anywhere else that has what we have here. We are an A-list city, the best city in the world, and that is why the rent is too damn high.
Native New Yorker
Jake Dobkin also came up with this short list, which you should print out and stuff in your wallet behind your MetroCard, in case of emergency.
- This is the only liberal city worth living in, because San Francisco smells bad
- We have the best mass transit
- We've got the best source of new weird food: Cronuts! Ramen burgers!
- Class revolution will definitely start here—don't want to miss that
- Our Mayor is a Sandinista freedom fighter
- Our drinking water tastes good, unlike in LA
- I think Sufjan Stevens still lives here
We'll close out with this, from Jen Chung, "Why the fuck would you want to live anywhere else in the world? Sure, income taxes are high, but we get a 24/7 city at our fingertips! Yes, eating out is expensive, but I don't want to eat at an Olive Garden in the 'burbs. There's energy here, shit happens here. If I want to see an art house movie that opened the first weekend, it's playing here. I can drag my kid on the subway to go see a giraffe or I can take a cab across town to the Met to show her mummies. Not for you? Go live in some Republican-governed hellhole and enjoy how the lack of public education funding has created a generation of idiots."
